Blog 019-Unhinged! (Or Why I Feel Like Giving Up In A Digitally Pervasive, Social-Media Fueled, Immediate-Gratification-Fest—But Won't)

“The obsession with instant gratification blinds us from our long-term potential.” — Mike Dooley

Book One of The Reluctance Richardson Files: Shadow Puppet is finished, and has been for some time. Book Two is slowly being worked on and outlined while drafting snippets.

A handful of people have laid eyes on it, and I was almost disappointed to receive little negative feedback until my childhood friend who took my need for heavy criticism as a personal challenge returned the beta copy only to respond with the words "As a person who's mean for sport... Fuck. That was a good book."

So there's that.

With that, I'm comfortable querying. I don't mind it. It's tedious, it's frustrating, but there's something fun about the hunt. By all accounts, as beautiful of an experience as it was to write TGOTF, Shadow Puppet is wholly more marketable.

Here's the crux though, the thought that has me a bit unhinged. The Ghost of Time Forgotten was queried to twenty-five to thirty agents, whether looking for literary fiction, offbeat/quirky stories, retellings, or paranormal stories with heart. This go-round, I'm finding the door already locked for superhero-type stories, and God-forbid there's a police lead, regardless of any humor, heart, or quirkiness. I personally wouldn't mind that door being unlocked before The Boys and Brooklyn Nine-Nine are too outdated to be considered comp titles.

I'm not done...

This takes work. A lot of it. And it takes work AFTER work to get it done. I'm sitting in my beautiful backyard with my beautiful woman writing this because I spend fifty hours a week busting my ass to make sure I can create a life that allows me to follow hopes and dreams... only to see out of the gate that the door is more or less closed, and there was somehow more relevancy to shop around a Scrooge re-telling as a paranormal buddy comedy with prostitutes than an original story about a probation agent with hidden powers, secret organizations, and family secrets. Not to mention in prior blogs, I wrote about the need to get buy-in and investment from those around you, otherwise there's little point in trying. That in itself is difficult enough.

Wait. I'm not done.

I could still live with this. The hunt is fun. I believe in my work. Those that have read it believe in it too, and I recognize SOMEONE may on the surface want to give Shadow Puppet a look.

But then I look at my feed, full of authors dancing around their bedroom with their manuscript daily. TikTok after TikTok, reel after reel. I see the content, which at this point appears to be regurgitation after regurgitation of trends.

It's not me. It probably won't be me. My fifty hours a week may not even permit it to be me. Ain't 'nobody going to see my skin, nobody's going to bang down my door to feel my pectoral muscles. Maybe one day. But not now.

So... family... in an age where dancing around a bedroom gets more comments and hype on an unpublished book, and views are in the millions for 'creators' who watch and comment on other created 'content,' what do you do?

My answer...

I continue believing.

I continue thinking someone will find worth in me.

I continue hoping people seek to experience something instead of watching someone else's experience.

I continue seeking investment from those around me.

I continue believing that gratification comes from the long game.

And maybe I get a little unhinged in the process with that belief.

Maybe I write more short stories.

Maybe I write in different genres.

Maybe I release snippets of Shadow Puppet.

Maybe I simply self-publish everything.

Who knows? Any way you cut it, I do this for me.